There are plenty of guides to free attractions in Las Vegas, and restaurants and pools and lounges and all the things you love about this town.

But let’s be honest: What you really want is booty.

Las Vegas is known as Sin City, after all, and sex is one of the all-time top-ranked sins!

So, we figured it was about time to help you get booty.

Yes, this list is directed to men. That’s because women can get booty any time they want. They just have to show up and have a heartbeat.

For us dudes, however, it’s trickier. So to speak. We’ll get to that in a minute.

Here, then, are our top tips to get booty in Las Vegas.

1. Bring Booty With You

The easiest way to get booty in Vegas is to bring some with you.

That’s right, if you have a wife or girlfriend, you already know what blows their skirt up and even if your sexual frequency has dipped due to the duration of your relationship, Vegas has a way of creating new sparks that can lead to not just regular sex but the next level kind. The kind in unisex bathrooms, the kind on wraparound balconies, the kind where strangers may be involved. Vegas is magical like that.

2. Pay for It

We need to say this right up front: Prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas.

Now that we have that buzzkill out of the way, it’s pretty easy to find someone willing to take money for sex in Las Vegas. Sex workers roam casino floors nightly and resorts turn a blind eye to such activity, for the most part.

Question: How can you tell if the attractive woman talking to you at a casino bar is a sex worker? Answer: An attractive woman talking to you. She’s a sex worker.

Escorts abound online, and it’s easy to set up a date during your Las Vegas visit.

Strip clubs are another place to negotiate intimate interactions for cash. This will involve arranging for a dalliance at a later time, as strip clubs tend to have a zero tolerance policy for pay-for-play while on the premises.

There are also legal brothels as close as an hour away from Las Vegas, and these establishments will even provide free limo service.

3. Brave the Apps

Back in the day, it took all kinds of contortions to meet and woo and seduce someone. Now, it takes a swipe.
“Dating” apps like Tinder are a high-efficiency way to interact with a large number of people to ascertain quickly their interest level in taking old one-eye to the optometrist. Be polite and direct, keep it light and pay someone to Photoshop abs onto your pics.

Bonus tip: Try AshleyMadison.com. Extramarital affairs often involve sex, so you’re increasing your odds significantly fishing in a pond full of people looking to party.

4. Visit a Bar Near a Male Revue

One of the best ways to hook up in Vegas is to visit a bar outside a male revue theater when the show lets out.

Women visiting these bars have just spend 90 minutes ogling some of the most attractive men on the planet, and while they’d love to score a date with one of the dancers, the odds aren’t great. That’s where you come in.

“Sloppy seconds” in this case isn’t a bad thing. For the price of a cocktail, it’s like somebody else running a marathon for you, but you get to cross the finish line.

5. Have a Foreign Accent

This isn’t just a Las Vegas thing, obviously, but having a sexy foreign accent is a great way to facilitate some social lubrication.

The top accents to make a sexual encounter happen are Italian, French, Australian, Spanish and Irish. Sorry, Croatians, you’re going to have to fake it. Just keeping it real here.

6. Visit a Massage Parlor

Pass on those swanky spas at Las Vegas resorts, you’re looking for something a little more happy endingy.

The places most likely to scratch your itch are referred to as “exotic massage parlors” or “sex parlors.” Again, prostitution is illegal, so if you want to go the safe route, get a massage at a legal brothel.

At Vegas massage parlors, it helps to be a regular, and don’t take the advice of cabbies, as they are motivated by kick-backs, not a concern for the blueness of your berries.

7. Find Someone On the Last Night of Their Visit

We’ve spoken with longtime veterans in the restaurant, bar and nightclub world and they all agree: You are far more likely to get lucky with someone on their last night in Las Vegas.

Apparently, when women arrive, they have “standards.” If they’re looking for a sexual encounter, the other party has to match a picture in their head.

In reality, that picture is often unrealistic, and the fantasy remains unfulfilled. Until that magic moment.

In that magic moment, the final day or night of a Las Vegas visit, the bar is lowered.

It’s a golden moment of opportunity when the previously unattainable suddenly because supremely doable.

Sex, after all, is a lot like gambling. Timing is everything.

8. Swing at the Green Door

If you haven’t heard of the Green Door, you’re missing out on an adventure. The Green Door is a swinger’s club, and provides ample opportunities to mix and mingle. We did a walk-through of Green Door on our podcast.

9. Be More Interesting, Smart or Funny

We saved the harshed tip for last. The best way to get lucky in Las Vegas is to be the kind of person someone wants to have sex with.

This means reading more and traveling more and having interesting things to talk about. People are much, much more likely to feel sexually adventurous in Las Vegas, but the basic rules of attraction still apply.

Learn and practice some jokes. Become an expert at something. Start a Las Vegas blog or podcast. Ahem.

Not everyone has the benefit of being filthy rich, so that means getting sex is reliant upon timeless strategies: Charming someone. Being thoughtful. Having original ideas.

Fallback plan: If you’re looking for companionship that isn’t sexual, it’s worth noting Nevada has a plethora of professional cuddlers.

We hope you’ve enjoyed our tips for getting booty in Las Vegas.

If you have other ways of acquiring booty in Las Vegas, we’d love to hear them. Legal means, of course.

If these strategies don’t pan out, we recommend you purchase an Oculus VR system. Oculus VR headsets are to adult entertainment as iPhones are to smoke signals. They fit snugly into your suitcase and there are no strange charges to explain on your hotel bill when you get home. Virtual reality can literally save you thousands of dollars, lots of time and potential jail time. You’re welcome.

Sex is a big part of the Las Vegas experience, so happy hunting.