Whenever a topless pool goes topful in Las Vegas, an angel loses its wings.

That’s now the case at Bare Pool Lounge at Mirage. The new owners of the resort, Hard Rock International, appear to have taken a turn for the prudish. The pool is no longer top-optional.

While toplessness has been nixed, Bare Pool remains 21-plus, so that’s something.

Photo courtesy of Bare Pool’s terrible Twitter account. Only casino marketers can make something fun so boring.

No reason has been given for the decision to end toplessness at Bare.

It’s possible business sagged, but it’s more likely the poolside nipple-fest didn’t fit the Hard Rock International vibe. Hard Rock is owned by the Seminole tribe.

Mirage becomes Hard Rock in 2025 after a major overhaul and building of a new guitar-shaped hotel tower.

They don’t make trombones big enough to encapsulate this level of sadness.

While we aren’t pool person, we are a big fan of toplessness.

Thankfully, Las Vegas still has some topless pools, although, resorts don’t often trumpet those offerings. If you’re Googling “topless pools,” the euphemism is “European-style,” just to keep things classy.

The list of topless pools in Las Vegas is definitely experiencing some shrinkage. (Cue the “It was in the pool!” jokes.)

Wynn and Encore have European pools, as does Mandalay Bay (Moorea Beach Club).

While not at a resort, Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club has a topless pool, and that includes some very attractive cocktail servers. Look, we were doing research for our blog. It’s called “investigative journalism.”

Strat used to have a topless pool, Radius, but its pools are now family-friendly.

The Venus Pool at Caesars lost its topless status in 2019.

For a town that touts its “anything goes” mentality (or used to), Las Vegas doesn’t really push too many boundaries, especially when it comes to nudity and its distant cousin, prostitution.

Our friends in Europe are like, “Why is this even a thing?” Europeans don’t have European-style pools. They just have pools. Sun’s out, everything’s pretty much out. The way Mother Nature intended.

We knew Las Vegas was becoming less fun when they changed the slogan from “What happens here, stays here” to “What happens here, only happens here.” Conventions. Yawn.

We never went to Bare, but the end of toplessness there is disappointing nonetheless.

Tan lines suck. Are you with us, ladies?

Las Vegas was built on bosoms, and possibly gambling, but mostly bosoms. We demand more, not fewer.

If we ever run for public office, that’s going to be our platform.

“Mayor or bust!”

Oh, like you didn’t see that coming.