Never has a new Las Vegas retail offering benefited more from a slow news day than “Stranger Things: The Official Store.”

The new retail store, featuring all things “Stranger Things,” opens May 26, 2023, at Showcase Mall on the Las Vegas Strip.

Typically, we don’t care about retail stores opening. We’re here for fun, and retail stores are sort of the opposite of fun. You know, like cigar smoke or sex with Criss Angel. However, we’re a relatively big fan of the original “Stranger Things,” so here we are.

When you can’t afford a full Gorgon, you get a Demogorgon. Sweet photo op for “Stranger Things” fans, though.
Here are some words from the official news release: “The store will provide a unique retail experience in a space packed with exclusive merchandise and interactive photo moments. New merchandise collections unique to the Las Vegas store will launch for the first time including the Pool Collection with ‘Stranger Things’ character Billy Hargrove’s essential products and a one-of-a-kind Las Vegas capsule collection.”

If you haven’t watched “Stranger Things” on Netflix, that was heaping helping of word salad.

If you are a fan of the series, you’ll be thrilled to hear the store will feature lots of photo ops, including nods to iconic “Stranger Things” locations, a Demogorgon, Joyce’s living room, Starcourt Mall, Hawkins High, the Palace Arcade and Vecna’s attic, all of which we have vague memories of, because “Stranger Things” originally aired in 2016.

The first season of “Stranger Things” took place in 1983. Pole Position is the perfect videogame for Las Vegas, stripperwise.

The whole point of all this is to sell merch, of course, so get ready for a slew of branded apparel, games, toys, candy, and accessories.

“Stranger Things: The Official Store” has also existed in New York City, Los Angeles, Paris, Dallas, Chicago, Miami, and Milan. The Las Vegas location will be the best, however, because of Las Vegas.

The Vegas store will also be the largest “Stranger Things” store, so there’s that.

The “Stranger Things” store will have a replica of Winona Ryder’s Ouija board.

Showcase Mall is on The Strip, not far from MGM Grand, and features Hard Rock Cafe, World of Coca Cola, and the M&M’s Cavalcade of Calories.

Parking at Showcase Mall isn’t cheap, so make your selections, get your photos, and move your ass.

While “Stranger Things” may not be your thing, fans will surely love the place and this new retail shop on the Las Vegas Strip will no doubt turn their world upside down.

Like you didn’t see that one coming.