Today in Mixed Feelings: Excalibur Buffet Reopens July 1

Originally published at Vital Vegas

Excalibur announced its buffet reopens July 1, 2021 at 8:00 a.m.

First, who in the hell wakes up at 8:00 a.m. What, are people milking cows?

There is no excuse to get up that early unless you hooked up with a stranger at a Las Vegas nightclub and need to sneak out of their room without waking them up.

Excalibur Buffet is a solid 2.5 out of five stars on Yelp, which sort of explains the “mixed feelings” thing.

It might also explain why MGM Resorts, owner of Excalibur, announced this news on the same day Resorts World opens. You know, hoping nobody would notice.

Well, we noticed, because you deserve all the Las Vegas buffet news you can stuff into your face!

The Excalibur Buffet got a $6.2 million renovation in 2015. Which you’d already know if you read photo captions.

Excalibur Buffet will have limited hours, which is probably best for everyone.

We kid because we love!

Selections will include made-to-order omelets, rotisserie chicken, iced shellfish, smoked brisket, sushi, beef birria and a dessert station with bread pudding, crepes, donuts, cakes, frozen custard and more.

There are few words that strike more fear into the hearts of sushi fans than “Excalibur Buffet sushi.”

Yes, we woke up on the wrong side of the snark today. Whatever, you’re still reading.

The Excalibur Buffet will be open Thursday through Monday, 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.

We may tease about the meh reviews, but there’s no denying the Excalibur Buffet is a great value.

Monday through Thursday, it’s $24.99, children (6-11) cost $14.99. Fat kids cost $18.99. On Saturday and Sunday, it’s $29.99; children cost $15.99, and fat kids cost $19.99. Kids five and younger eat free. Yes, even the fat kids.

Because the world is such a humorless place, we have to mention we made up the “fat kids” pricing to make sure you were paying attention. We do not endorse fat shaming. We are, however, supportive of stupid shaming. Stupid kids pay extra. Better?

Please address all letters of complaint about this blog post to the Excalibur Buffet. Don’t shoot the messenger. You’re the one who let your kid get fat. For starters, stop taking them to buffets. They’re going to find out they don’t just have “big bones” someday. Save them some time!

All due respect, but it may be time to update Excalibur Buffet’s “It’s just O.K.” tagline.

Even with its limited hours, it’s great to see the Excalibur buffet reopen!

Other buffets back in Las Vegas include: Bacchanal at Caesars, Wicked Spoon at Cosmo, MGM Grand Buffet, Circus Buffet at Circus Circus and the Wynn buffet reopens July 1.

If you have the cash, we’d recommend the Bacchanal Buffet at Caesars Palace. It’s badass, and a value at $65 (weekdays).

We love Excalibur, as it now has Mac King (formerly at Harrah’s), the Australian Bee Gees and Thunder From Down Under. The “Tournament of Kings” show is coming back July 14, too.

We also love Excalibur because we’re pretty sure it’s the only Las Vegas casino featuring codpieces.

Vegas needs more codpieces!

Sure, they’ve got them at the Renaissance Festival, but that’s an annual thing. We need a steady supply of codpieces.

You might say Las Vegas could use a buffet of codpieces. You knew we’d bring it back around. You’re welcome.